Abject Fear

I've learned that there are points in your life where people have a lot of advice. For us as a couple, it started with the purchase of our dog, Lucy. The wedding was another example, along with Kaye's pregnancy. So, of course, raising Charlotte is the latest. I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of "advice". I say "advice" because all too often, it's not really advice, it's people telling you how they do/did things and why everything else is wrong. In the end, if feels like people aren't allowing you to have your own experience. In other words, nothing you're experiencing is new or original. Typically, nothing is new or original...but it is to us.

Good or bad, I think Kaye and I went into this experience fairly well prepared, mentally. Most of this is fairly obvious...from the immediate love you feel for the child to the lifestyle changes [ala FAQ #4] to the complete exhaustion. To be honest, I fell in love with Charlotte the day Kaye and I decided we'd try to have children. I just hadn't met her yet. What I wasn't prepared for was the paralyzing fear that something could happen to her. It started the day we found out Kaye was pregnant. Both Kaye and I tried to be as careful as possible with her pregnancy, but I became almost superstitious, something I typically am not. Now, I find myself checking on her at night to make sure she's ok.

Saturday night, we picked up Charlotte from Kaye's parent's after being out to dinner with some friends. I was putting her down to change her [yes, me] and she went into what I can only describe as a "choking fit". She couldn't breath and was heaving as if she was vomiting. There was panic and crying...and Charlotte was pretty upset too. When Kaye got to the room, Charlotte was crying and still having some problems breathing. After crying for another 15 minutes, she finally settled down. I'd appreciate it if she didn't do that again and I'm guessing she feels the same way.